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I just finished this wonderful life-changing book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, called “The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children“, and I exctracted some of the quotes I like in the book. I warmly recommend reading this book if you’re a parent or if you’re planning to be. 

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children

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“Conscious parenting means that in our interactions with our children, we ask: Am I dealing with my child in an aware manner or am I being triggered by my past?”

“When you’re able to respect the unfolding of your child’s particular journey, you teach them to nurture their own inner voice and simultaneously honor the voice of others.”

“Our ability to accept our children is directly linked to our ability to accept ourselves – both as we are presently, and for what we have the potential to become.”

“If our relationship, house, job, car, and other externals are what we rely on to make us happy, we are enslaved to ego.”

“Emotional reactivity is a reason to go inward, focusing on your own growth. Once you realize there are no enemies, only guides to inner growth, all who play a part in your life become mirrors of your forgotten self.”

“Life challenges become emotionally regenerative opportunities. When you encounter a roadblock in your life, whether a person or a situation, instead of seeing it as an enemy to be reacted against, you pause and ask yourself: What do I perceive I’m lacking?”

“When our children are permitted to feel their feelings, they are able to release them amazingly quickly. They come out of the pain understanding that pain is just another sensation. The anticipation of the pain is often more intolerable than the actual pain. When our children experience their pain in its pure form, without fueling it with resistance or coloring it with a reaction, the pain transforms itself into wisdom and perspective.”

“I expect to be triggered, entangled, overwhelmed, and to engage in egoic parenting at times. However, I will use the lessons embedded in these occasions to evolve as a person and to help my children evolve as well.”

“Life happens, pure and simple. No matter how we try to manage it, it has a force beyond logic or coherence. When we swim in the ocean, we allow the water to move our body. We don’t protest: ‘How dare this wave be so high? It should be low.’  We accept that we have no dominion over the ocean. Indeed, we find the unpredictability of the waves exhilarating.”

By modeling an attitude of trust, and approaching life with gracious ease based on this trust, we teach our children to draw wisdom from all of their circumstances, instead of viewing some aspects of life as ‘good’ and others as ‘bad’.”

“We promote trust whenever we encourage our children to speak up and be heard. They learn to trust themselves as we tell them, ‘I admire the way you put your thoughts together,’ and assure them, ‘I trust you to do the right thing.’ Should they happen to make an unwise choice, we don’t allow this to cause us to indicate a lack of trust in them, but simply tell them in a matter of fact manner, ‘You made this decision and now you are learning from it.’ Lack of trust doesn’t enter the equation.”

“How can I use this struggle for higher evolvement? It’s a matter of not allowing our identity to be defined by the events in our life. Instead, we understand that it’s how we either respond creatively or react negatively that defines our fate.”

“When we either experience a compulsion to change another’s mind, or allow them to trigger us into a state of overwhelming emotion, we are no longer conscious but in ego.”

“Who we were before becoming a parent doesn’t and cannot exist with the same ferocity. Once children enter our life, their impact is indelible, and we are required to reinvent ourselves in response.”

“In this stage, it’s as if our being were saying to that of our child: ‘I no longer know where you begin and I end. Days and nights blend into a haze of brilliance and fatigue. I am elastic, rubber, and wax. I bend to your will with no resistance, no boundary, transparent like glass. Even when you aren’t with me, I am with you, imagining you. There is no moment in which I exist separate from you.’”

I’m not here to judge or approve my child’s natural state. I’m not here to determine what course my child’s life should take. I’m here as my child’s spiritual partner. My child’s spirit is infinitely wise and will manifest itself in exactly the way it’s meant to. My child’s spirit will reflect the manner in which I am invited to respond to my own essence.”

“Worrying gives us a reassuring sense we are ‘doing’ something, fooling us into imagining we somehow have some control over things.”

“When we teach our children that their success in life is dependent on their performance, childhood becomes geared toward the future instead of being experienced simply as childhood. Children learn that who they are, as they are, isn’t enough in the adult world.”

“When we aren’t solidly grounded in our own essence, we tend to compensate by creating an external life in which just about everything becomes a ‘big deal’. Lacking an adequate sense of our intrinsic value, we feel a need to exaggerate, bend over backwards, and overanalyze.”

“When you foster your children’s creativity on a daily basis in the same way you supply them with the right nutrition, you teach them one of the most valuable lessons of all: to rely on their inner being to solve life’s problems. They have an intrinsic ability to think outside the box, and only your anxiety causes them to doubt their inner voice.”

“How wonderful if every parent would convey to their child: ‘You are a creative person. Be free with your imagination. Take me to places in your imagination so I can visit and revel. Imagine all you want, and express yourself without fear. How else will you know your limits? You have the capacity to place your unique imprint on the universe. At the same time, there’s a sense in which you are at once many beings in a single being, so don’t marry yourself toa single way of expressing yourself too soon. All you need to be is you, and you can express who you are in any way you choose as you develop. Don’t worry so much about the ‘logic’ of a project. If you believe in it, do it. Life isn’t about the money you make, but is a matter of engaging in things for the sheer joy of it.”

“Some children are mature for their age, while others mature more slowly. So caught up do we get in sticking to traditional notions of age and maturity that we fail to recognize the unique temperament of each child. Pushing a child to ‘grow up’ simply because their chronological age is more advanced is a fruitless exercise that can only destroy the child’s sense of worth. When we feel ourselves becoming frustrated because our child can’t ‘be like others their age’, we are wise to remind ourselves that age is simply a construct – and illusion that, if we buy into it, can curtail our child’s spirit.”

“No one can cause us to feel a particular way. No matter how it may appear on the surface, at a more elemental level no one has this power. If the seeds of irritation, helplessness, frustration, or tension weren’t already within us, they couldn’t bloom.”

“Everyone around me is a reflection of me.”

“Your unconsciousness isn’t your children’s to inherit; it is yours to excavate.”

“Matching our emotional energy to that of our children is far more effective than asking them to match their energy to ours.”

Be Your Best Self!

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