These days I was reading one old book I love. It is a book that helped me a lot and I often tend to reread it. It is a book by Janette Rainwater – YOU ARE IN CHARGE! While I was reading some chapters the idea came to me that it is impossible to live a happy life and go on with your life if you are unable to forgive yourself first.
In this book Janette talks about two very important questions – What is happening right now – in this present moment? The second question is – What do I want in this new moment?
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To be precise she talks about awareness and put an accent on it. This is something every therapist will ask you. Every therapist knows how important awareness is. I recommend you to read The First Step Toward Change if you are on a journey of personal growth and development.
Also, check How To Live In The Present Moment if you want to find some mindfulness exercises.
I always ask myself these two questions. The first one brings me the awareness I need. What is happening in this present moment?
Something I noticed in myself and many clients, friends, or colleagues, is that one of the hardest things to do is to forgive themselves. And how can I except to grow and develop if I can’t forgive myself and go on with my life? How to be happy and positive if there is something in me that is not giving me a peace of mind.
Everyone makes mistakes, but why do we forget that when we are the “sinners”? When is the last time when you have forgiven someone or didn’t even judge him?
Why it is so much easier to forgive others?
Why it’s so much easier to forgive other people, but not yourself? You don’t have big expectations from others, but you do have from yourself. You expect to be perfect, to please others, to be a good person etc. Also, you were raised to have all those expectations and also to be “a good child”. If you don’t listen to your parents orders – they will be mad at you.
This “problem” has roots in childhood and it is perfectly fine.
How To Forgive Yourself
Why is important to forgive yourself in order to go on with your life?
If the first step toward change is awareness, then the second is acceptance. And did you accept if you didn’t forgive yourself? No! Acceptance is forgiveness.
Your past is not important. The only thing that is important is what kind of a person your past made you.
You are not what you did in your past. Remember that you did what you thought was best at that time.
When you are aware of things and accept how they are – you will have the power to change them! When you take the responsibility in your hand you can change everything.
Please don’t judge yourself! Judging won’t lead you anywhere. If I judged myself for my mistakes I wouldn’t rise and stand on my feet. Remember – we are doing the best we know at the moment. There is NO if I go back in time. There is NO what IF! Just be aware, accept and take responsibility.
When you take the responsibility you already have that second chance. Now is the time to be a better person and to forgive everyone. But first -yourself.
You are in charge
First thing you should remember is that you are in charge of your feelings and thoughts. You are in charge of your life and only you can make the decision to move on with your life and live the life you deserve. This is why I mentioned the book from Janette Rainwater. It is a great book to start the journey.
Eliminate the negative beliefs
If you are in charge of your life then you are the only one who can eliminate the negative beliefs in your life. No, you are not a bad person for making a mistake. One reason why religion is good is because it promotes forgiveness. Try to eliminate all the negative beliefs and every thought that stand between you and your dream life.
Remember that you are worthy and just like everyone else you make mistakes and learn from them. Your past is not important. The only thing that is important is what kind of a person your past made you.
Do the best you can in the moment
You always do the best you can in the present moment. You didn’t know better back then, but you do now. So make sure you do something about that. Do you want to live a happy life or do you want to be stuck in your past? Accept that you can’t go back in time, but you can be in charge of your future.
Acknowledge the mistake out loud
Acknowledge your mistake or mistakes if there is more than one that you can’t forgive. It is easier when you acknowledge your “mistakes”. Write them down. How did it happen? Why did it happen? Writing down what happened is a great thing you can do to be more objective and remember what happened. Even better, write from a third party. Identify the biggest mistakes.
Is there someone more important in this whole world than you? No! And if there is then something isn’t right. You are most important and bear in mind that you should always love yourself first before you love anyone else. We often forget to show some love and if you are on a self-growth journey then you must love yourself.
“I am worthy, loved, smart, gentle, beautiful, happy. “
Don’t forget to say to yourself all those things and many, many more.
Right and wrong change
In the past, people believed in many Gods. After a while, they started to believe in one. Then another one, and then another one. Every single one of us believes in something else. Magic rituals were right and good in the past, now are bad and wrong. Right and wrong change! Think deeper. Maybe after all, your mistake is not a mistake. If you can understand all those people believing in different things and thinking that they are “the right one” why not to forgive yourself and go on with your life. After all, it was the right thing at that moment.
What did you learn
What did you learn from your mistakes? If you are reading this post then you are already sorry and there must be something you learned from it. I will help you. You did learn not to make the same mistake again for sure. And there must be at least one more thing you learned from your mistake. A child learns to walk while falling and crawling and pulling. In order to start walking a child must make mistakes. Maybe you are not aware of what you already learned so give yourself some time to process. Write it down. Words have more meaning when written.
Seek professional help
If you did every step and you still feel bad and can’t forgive yourself, please, seek professional help. Don’t hesitate. Don’t lose precious time. You only live once so live the best life you can. You will feel great and forgive yourself much easier.
Of course, there are more ways to forgive yourself and I believe that every person is different and have different needs, goals, and wishes. You can always find more ways to succeed and reach your goal no matter what. The most important thing is to forgive yourself and finally live the life you deserve.